Day 29

Empty and Alone

These peaks and valleys are so draining to me.  Moving forward had never been very difficult for me.  I have lived my life moving forward, and some people envy me that.  I’ve even been told so directly.  Yet I feel… stuck.  And I have no energy to move forward.  I’m literally sinking in the quicksand of my own mind…. of my own creation, and I don’t know how to get out of it.  For the first time in my life, I don’t know if I CAN get out of it.

This is not what I was expecting when I woke up today.  I’m being blindsided and sabotaged, and it’s all coming from me.  My thoughts… my dreams… my fantasies and aspirations.  Everything that I want to be is there in the future in this beautiful dream, a la Happy Gilmore.  And that puts me in my happy place.  And then I wake up… and reality hits me like a bucket of ice water.  And that’s when I realize…  I feel empty and alone.   

Return back to Month One here.

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